A Familiar Sense of Unease
by Adventuresinwonderland
Summary: Its a year after the battle and everyone is back for the first anniversary.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N- first off i would like apologise for any mistakes, whether they be factual or grammatical that have made in this. As far as im aware, the grammar isnt overly bad, but as far as factuality, i think i may have wiggled a few things about. Please don't hate me for that! if it becomes a big issue i can change it, but for now im quite happy with it. This is my first fanfic so please be somewhat nice (ahaha!) I know this chapter is pretty long, and I highly doubt they'll all be this long but i got into the swing of things for this one. Oh also, i know i include a lot of speech in this chapter, for which again I apologise. I'm not quite sure why I wrote so much speech, maybe because i find it easier than descriptive.. hmm we'll see. Apart from that, that's all I have to say. Enjoy!_

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"I.. I'm not sure I can." Hermione stopped walking, causing Ron to be stopped abruptly as she was holding his hand.

Harry, who was a little ahead walking with Ginny and Neville stopped and turned around. "Common 'mione, its ok. We'll be there." Harry said, in the most reassuring tone he could manage. It was obvious that the whole group was feeling the same way, it was just Hermione that voiced it.

"Harry!" she said walking strongly forward, dragging Ron with her "Don't call me 'mione! Im not a rodent" it was times like this that she had to listen to her head, and so she said, trying to forget her fears and be rational.

The group laughed, and Ron wrapped the arm that Hermione was holding round her in an affectionate gesture. They walked along the familiar path from the train until they got to the carriages. When they were first years, none of them had been able to see the Threstrals pulling the carriages, but now they could all see them. They stopped, and looked solemnly at the carriages only a few had been able to see previously.

"Can you believe it's been a whole year?!" Ginny said wiping her eyes with the sleeve of the robe as she sat onto one of the familiar benches in the carriage.

"Weird how quick it goes isn't it." Neville replied, looking down at his feet soberly.

During the ride to the castle nobody said anything. Instead they sat huddled up to each other ,in a way that said "I understand what you're feeling," but without actually having to voice it. Physical closeness was enough. When the castle finally came into sight all of them looked at it in awe. The castle looked almost exactly the same. In fact, there was almost no difference. The only obvious sign that there had been a battle was Albus Dumbledore's gravestone by the lake, with about a hundred headstones surrounding it. The group bowed their heads at the graveyard as they passed.

When they finally got to the castle, they all looked up at it, necks craning to see the top, all filled with a weird feeling. It was like being home, but then again, it was the site where so many loved ones were killed. Walking up the steps, Ron ran forward, away from the group. He crouched in front of someone, and the group, who were all giving each other weird confused looks, followed. When Hermione got to the top step she saw who Ron was talking to. There, sat on a low bit of wall was George, head in his hands, shaking. George had told them that he'd meet them there, insisting that he would travel with his mother, father and Percy.

"George, look at me. You don't have to go in there if you don't want." Ron told him, standing up and sitting on the edge of the wall beside him.

"I thought I'd be ok.. but.. i...i..." George sobbed, unaware that the group had turned away, pretending to look at the once forbidden forest.

"Oh big brother..." Ginny said softly, sitting the other side of her brother and putting her arm round him, whilst begging herself not to let herself cry.

From where they were sat, the three of them heard a child's giggle. They all looked up questioningly to see Ted Tonks and his wife carrying a now two year old Teddy Tonks. When is Lupin and Tonks had died, Tonk's parents took the role of "mum and dad". It was obvious it was hard for him which is why Teddy was shared around the Potters, Weasley , and Tonk's. Much to his excitement, as he loved his adopted family.

Teddy looked at George, and cocked his head to the side. "cry.." he said questioningly. That gave George the strength he needed, and he stood bolt upright, wiped his eyes and reached out towards Teddy. Automatically Mr Tonks passed the baby to George, looking almost relieved that he was out of his arms, meaning he could comfort his wife, who was weeping silently.

"Well well well, it isn't Teddy Tonks is it?!" Harry had turned around, as had the rest of his friends, and he looked at his godson with a bright expression on his face. Teddy nodded slowly and said "everyone cry like baby". To that everyone looked unsure as to what to say, so George busied the baby by pretending he was a rocket and swinging him around. "Noooooooo not wocket Porge, bwroom stick" teddy said after George had shouted "Look at that rocket go!" and swung him around once more.

"Shall we.." Neville said pointing to the large brown doors that they'd been stood near for about 10 minutes.

Taking a deep breath, it was Harry who entered first followed by Ginny, Neville, Hermione, Ron and Finally George who had Teddy on his hip, as if holding Teddy was the only thing stopping him from crying. The first thing Harry noticed is how the paintings that were hung on the walls, were replaced with paintings of people he recognised. It took him a split second to realise that it was the pictures of the people who had been killed in the Battle, all smiling, looking extremely happy. Fred was placed on the wall near one of the staircases leading to the Great Hall. He was smiling at them, but pulling a funny face. Hermione had decided that now was not the time to look at the pictures, as it would cause her to break down, so instead she busied herself looking for a sign telling her where to go. There were no signs that she could see, but she could hear noise coming from the Great Hall so she assumed thats where everyone was gathering. Hermione started walking towards the hall, not bothering to see if anyone was following. As she made her way, she passed the House Points Hourglasses. She looked at them fondly, smiling at the fact that Gryffindor had the most house points. Her eyes wondered to the Slytherin Hour Glass and she was reminded of how much she resented those in Slytherin, and almost laughed at how naive she'd been in her young age "if I'd given them half a shot, i bet some were quite nice" she told herself, regret then filling her head.

She was then pulled into another reverie of her first day. She was so nervous, but was trying to pretend she wasn't. Getting sorted into the best house was one of the proudest moments she'd had as a first year, and the feeling was something she still called on if she was feeling down. She'd sat right next to Fred and George, and they'd treated her as if she was a normal witch, not one that was Muggle Born. That was one thing she loved about the Weasley . If you were good to them, they protected you to the death. Once you were "in" they loved you like one of their own. She'd felt an arm slip round her waist and knowing it was Ron she leaned into his embrace.

"Remising?" He asked, holding her close.

"I was remembering the day I got sorted. I sat next to Fred and George and do you know the first thing they asked me? It was 'do you like gingers?' after that, i knew I'd have some connection to you Weasley " she told him with a giggle. The feeling of laugher was one that she knew she wouldn't feel for the rest of today.

"Well I'm lucky i got there first, before they did" he said quietly laughing.

He then felt guilty for laughing, and taking a deep breath he allowed his mental barriers to be lifted. For about 6 months, Ron had forced his mind not to think about The Battle, not wanting the emotions it brought with it. If anyone mentioned it while he was in the room he would stand up and leave, or if anyone made any comment about going to visit Hogwarts he'd slam whatever he was holding down and busy himself with a different task. But today he knew it would be different. It was ok for him to cry today, for him to feel the emotions that he'd forced away, because today marked the day the wizarding community had come together, good against evil.

The Group walked into the Great Hall and were all faced with more emotions. There was a sense of unease, as groups of people that were stood around all turned to look at who had entered. Within seconds everyone in the room was clapping, and Ron swiftly walked down the steps, trying to get away from the sudden burst of attention. He was briskly followed by his friends, who were obviously feeling the same way. George, who had walked over to his parents held out Teddy at arms length, a clear indication that someone needed to come and take him off him. Feeling guilty George ruffled the little boys head and then passed him to Harry who was stopped with the intention of talking to the Weasleys. "Sorry.." George muttered, and then turned around and walked out of the Great Hall door.

The tables that normally ran along the length of the hall had been pushed to the sides of the room, acting as a boarder, and were filled with food. Apart from the head table, which was exactly where it always had been. Harry suddenly remembered the last time he'd stepped into this room. There were hundreds of people, all gathering round each other checking they were all ok, and there at the back of the room, were rows of the people who had died. People who fought for what they thought was right, people who essentially fought to the death. His head was filled with screaming, and people shouting "help!" or "Quick behind you!" If he could have fought the battle alone, he would have. He shouldn't have asked them to stay. The teachers had been sat along the head table, as they always had. Apart from the centre seat, which was empty, and Harry knew nobody would fill that seat. That seat was saved for Albus Dumbledore. There was the sound of a chair being pushed back along the stone floor and Professor McGonagall stood up. Everyone turned to face her and a silence fell over the hall.

"On behalf of every member of staff here, i would like to thank you all for coming. Today's ceremony is going to be highly emotive, and i expect it to be an extremely long one. Because of that we would like to offer everyone a bed for the night. There will be a quill at the end of the hall, and if those intending to stay could write their names then we can make appropriate arrangements. As far as an order of service goes, there should be owls delivering them to you as i speak." She paused, and as expected hundreds of owls came flying in, and dropping leaflets into the hands of every guest which was around 100 people. "I'd just like to highlight one thing on the order of service. We are offering 3 separate commemorations. Those who we greatly urge to come to these ceremonies should be listed underneath, but if you feel like you should be added to one of the services please come and see me before hand." She paused once again, and picked up her goblet." Once again, thank you for coming. May we pay respect to those who we lost, but also celebrate the end of an unfortunate era." She raised her goblet, and all of a sudden everyone was holding a goblet, and did the same. McGonagall then sat down, and turned to talk to another professor

Ron looked up at the enchanted ceiling to see what it was doing, and today there was a bright sky. It was as if it was a crisp winter morning. That was something he missed about this place, how something used to change every day.

Hermione was scanning the order of service and stared confusedly at it. "I think there must be a mistake," Hermione mumbled more to herself, scanning the leaflet thoroughly, "we're on all 3 lists"

Ginny, who was stood scanning her leaflet as well, "As is everyone in the order. This can't be right can it? I mean look, two of them are at the same time."

"Wait, it says here that I'm on all three lists too." Neville was staring at his leaflet looking confused.

"Oh of course you are Nev, don't be bloody stupid" Ron said, looking at Neville as if he'd just asked what 2+2 was.

"But I wasn't a member of the Order" He said, still looking unsure.

"No, but you parents were. Plus, you were a member of the D.A. A bloody good one at that." Ron said, sounding a little exasperated, as if this was obvious.

"But how can we go to two things at once?" Ginny asked looking at Hermione

"With this little blast from the past" a voice came from behind the group.

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A/N: thanks for reading, please review & all that jazz. :)


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: So this is a bit of a slow chapter, but i hope you dont overly mind. I didnt really get a response from the first chapter, which i guess isnt really surprising as its hard to break into a fanfiction catagory that already has SO many things written about it. Reading it through i can see my influence in the writing and not JK Rowlings, but i guess its my interpretation of what will happen after. I havent written the chapter after this, as im not exactly sure how it'll go, bu im going to write a plan and then write it. Because of this it might not be done for a couple days, just a heads up. Anyway, enjoy!_

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"Professor!" Ron shouted affectionately. Harry elbowed him in the ribs in a 'whoa, calm down, that's a little OTT' way, to which Ron responded by going bright red.

Professor McGonagall was stood behind the group, looking pretty much exactly the same but with a few wrinkles, and a scar that ran along the bottom of her jaw. She was holding a spherical shaped necklace in her hand by the chain, which was swinging from side to side. "Oh god, I thought Dumbledore would have destroyed that!" Hermione said, looking at the time turner. She put her hand out and the professor passed it to her.

"He thought about it. But i guess he never got round to it" McGonagall responded, "can you believe a whole year has passed?!"

Ron, Harry, Ginny, Hermione and Neville nodded at her sombrely.

"But anyway. I thought, if you wanted to, you could all use the time turner and go to each event."

Hermione was turning the time turner in her hands, clearly lost in thought. She wasn't sure she wanted to use this again, it caused her so much stress, but helped her to save Sirius, and the last time she used it he was alive.

"Can we decide in a bit? I'd kill to have breakfast in the common room" Ron said, sensing Hermione's unease.

"Well of course. I can clear the common room of students if you prefer? In order to give professors chance to go to the ceremonies we've given the students a free day, but there under strict instructions not to get in anyone's way."

"No no, it's no bother. Id quite like to go back and see all the hussle and bussle" Hermione responded.

With that, they made the familiar journey back up to their common room. The staircases moved how they expected, and the pictures waved at them. They all found themselves getting quite choked up, filled with mixed emotions. While they were happy to be back, they hated being back. Every corner they turned, every corridor they took, every staircase they walked they were reminded that someone was killed, either good or bad, where they stood.

"Oh shit, we don't know the password!" Neville said as they were on the final staircase that took them to the Gryffindor common room.

They all laughed fondly, "don't worry Nev, we'll work something out" Harry said, laughing at the memory of him forgetting it a million times.

When they got to the door they were faced with a familiar sight. The fat lady sat where she had sat for the 7 years they'd been at Hogwarts. When Snape had become headmaster he'd removed all the paintings from the school as he tried to remove the colour from the school. Because of this, none of the paintings were ruined during the battle.

"Password?" she asked, obviously pretending that they were back as students.

"Hmmm... i don't know. Neville, got any ideas?" Ron said, laughing.

"Sherbet Lemons!" Harry said, suddenly with a weird gut feeling that it was right. The fat lady nodded and the painting door swung open, revealing the passage down to the common room that they knew so well.

For Ron, the first thing that hit him was the smell. The common room smelt exactly as it always had, it was a sweet, comforting smell. It was almost warm as he inhaled it. He was then hit with the sound of children laughing and squabbling, and then at last he was hit with the sight. The common room, as well as smelling the same, looked exactly the same. The same comfy chairs that he'd sat on late at night finishing his homework, in fact, they even looked worn,, as if they'd been there for years. The same fireplace which was roaring, the same red and gold decorations, the same _everything. _There were about a dozen students mulling around, some sitting on the chairs reading some playing wizards chess, some just talking. When Ron turned around to look at his friends he realised they were all doing the same thing as him, breathing deeply and just staring.

"Urm.. excuse me.. are you Harry Potter?" A boy who must have been a first year stood in front of the group. He turned to Ron, "are you Ron Weasley?", turning slightly he faced Hermione " and are you Hermione Granger?" He looked confident but also a little nervous

With that, all of the students turned to look at the tunnel opening where Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Neville were standing.

Harry, Ron and Hermione nodded, none of them feeling like talking.

"OH MY GOD! Dad's going to have a fit that I've met you! I'm Romalda Vane's little brother Alex" he said proudly.

Harry let out a laugh and then looking at Ron covered it up with a cough. "I love her!" Harry mouthed at Ron, reminding him of when Romalda had put love potion in chocolates that were intended for harry but Ron ate instead. In response, Ron narrowed his eyes at Harry, as if daring him to say anything.

"Can i have an autograph?" Alex asked excitedly.

"I'll tell you what Alex, we're going to be here all day, SO why don't you come and see them a bit later and they'll sign anything you want?" Ginny said, trying to get the attention from Harry, Hermione and Ron, as she was unsure as to how they were going to cope today.

"Ohhh your Ginny Weasley right? And your Neville Longbottom! OH my god your Neville Longbottom! I have to get your autograph as well! You killed that na..n... what was the snake called? Nagi?"

"Nagini." Neville corrected, looking modest, but was secretly elated when people recognised him.

"Well yeah ok, I'll come back later then. Thanks" the boy said, looking a little disheartened and then turned to walk up the spiral staircase that lead to the dorms.

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A/N: Thanks for reading! i really do appriciate it. dont forget to favourite, follow and all that jazz. :)


	3. Chapter 3

_A:N: For some reason i had a real writers block when writing this chapter, which is why its a bit slow-paced. I promise that it will get more exciting, just stick with it. So another thing I've included that you'll either love or hate is the Neville/Luna relationship. I know JK has stated numerous times that they didn't end up together i just always thought they would, so i've put it in. Sorry if you dont like that. I had a bit of a crisis earlier, i got to a bit in his chapter and without properly thinking i wrote a page about Dobby being there to great them. Then when i read it i realised and hello a whole new load of post-potter depression, ahaha. As per, my only editor is myself, so for any mistakes i apologise. Any whosals, enjoy!_

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Harry turned to look at Ron and Hermione consecutively, "So urm..." he pulled a mock uncomfortable face, then a cheeky grin and bolted for his favourite chair in the common room. It was dark red, and had been worn in perfectly so optimal comfort was gained when sitting in it. It was also Ron's favourite chair, so when he saw Harry dart for it he did to. They both got to the chair at the same time, pushing and shoving each other out of the way. They were pushing each other so hard that neither of them were actually sat on it, which gave Hermione a brilliant idea. She walked nonchalantly behind the back of the chair, and then placed her hands on top of it. Pulling herself up, she managed to get up and over the back of the chair and she landed perfectly on the seat, feet under her body. Ron and Harry stopped and blinked dumbly at her,

"Snooze you lose boys, snooze you lose" she said laughing.

Harry and Ron both spun round exactly the same time and bolted for the red sofa. It could fit two people, but neither of them had any intention to share it. Once again, they got there at the same time, Ron on the left hand side of the sofa, Harry on the right. Neville and Ginny exasperatedly at each other, before going to sit down on the remaining sofa that wasnt filled with students. Meanwhile Ron and Harry were both lying down, attempting to put their feet in each other's faces.

"I feel like this is the only place where we can just forget about all the sadness" Hermione said, looking around at her surroundings.

"This place is a second home for me" Ron told them,

"I used to think Hogwarts _was _my home. Now i don't know whether i do or don't. I hate that he took that away from me" Harry said, pulling his hand through his hair.

"Harry! Don't ever say that! Hogwarts will always be your home. He could NEVER take that away from you. "Ginny almost shouted, looking straight at him.

Hermione looked around, suddenly remembering that there were students sat around them, all looking slightly scared, but excited at the same time. One boy, oblivious to the people around him, had his wand in one hand, and on the palm of his right hand he had a feather. Hermione watched him place the feather on the table in front of him and point his wand at it. He then turned and opened a text book, read a small instruction, and took a deep breath.

"Wingardium Leviosar" He said loudly. This caught Ron's attention who turned around to watch the boy, who was currently oblivious to Hermione watching him. The feather didn't raise, instead it just flipped over

Ron laughed, loudly and deeply when Hermione turned to Ron and said "Its leviossar, not levosar!" To which Ron responded by saying "she needs to sort her priorities out". Hermione then chucked a cushion at Ron, which he dodged and it hit what looked like a second year student, which caused a mass of laughter from Harry and Ron, especially when Hermione went bright Weasley Red.

Neville jumped, suddenly looking very guilty "i said i'd meet Luna at 10!" He shouted as he ran down the passage towards the exit.

Neville had never admitted that he and Luna had been dating this last year but all their friends knew that they were. When round at the Weasley's for dinner the two would arrive together, sit opposite each other, make private jokes, and then leave together.

When the Battle was over, Harry found himself not knowing where to live. Molly and Bill had insisted that he lived with them but Harry had declined, not wanting to impose on them grieving, instead choosing to live in Lupin & Tonk's old house. At first, he was extremely hesitant, but his friends had insured him that its what Lupin would have wanted. Harry had slept in the spare room, not changing anything in the house, apart from the spare room and certain items in the kitchen. Being in the centre of Hogsmead he was close to his friends, but far away enough so they wouldn't think he was imposing. After the first month it started to feel like home, so Harry had invited his friends round, and they drank FireWiskey until they were sick. They all suffered for it the morning after as well. Even the thought of it, months and month's later still causes them all to feel extremely sick.

"I give it a month until they're officially together" Ginny said, standing up and walking over to the sofa Harry and Ron were sharing and sitting in the middle. To which Ron grunted, stood up and sat on the other sofa Ginny had just vacated

They heard the door of the portrait swing open, and then shut and foot steps running lightly down the corridor towards the central room.

"First years, slow down!" Hermione called over her shoulder, and then put a hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle, "woah, for a second there i felt like we were students here all over again."

Suddenly a table was in front of them, filled with food. Ron took this opportunity and grabbed a goblet full of Pumpkin Juice. Even the smell of this juice was enough for him to be catapulted into memories of Hogwarts

"We had some amusing times over food didn't we?" Harry laughed watching Ron stuff a piece of toast into his mouth and swallow it with another gulp of juice. It seemed like a lot of their conversations and best times seemed to surround food, which wasn't all that surprising as Ron couldn't ever eat enough to fill his gut, and harry had been practically starved before coming to Hogwarts.

Ron, Hermione, Harry and Ginny sat around the common room, ignoring the looks given to them by students, and laughed and reminisced their whole way through breakfast. At one point Ron and Harry were laughing so hard that they almost chocked, which resieved a very dirty glare from Hermione, who almost barked at them to slow down. Which of course, caused them to laugh even harder.

"God remember when you two had that blazing row after the Yule ball?" Harry said, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his robe.

It took Ron a while to remember, and Harry could actually see his face distort as he was trying to remember, "OH YEAH!" Ron shouted suddenly, "Should have just told her how i felt then 'eh.."

"We always knew" Ginny said rolling her eyes. She was shocked that her brother still thought he was the only one that knew about his crush on Hermione.

Ron responded by going bright red, and gulping another goblet of pumpkin juice, as if it was alcohol.

"If I could live here for the rest of my life, i would. No doubt about it." Harry said a little later, resting his head on the back of the chair.

"Here as in Hogwarts? Or here as in the common room?" Hermione asked,

"If you had asked me a couple years ago, i would have said Hogwarts. But now i just feel so content sitting here. So i guess just the common room" He told her closing his eyes and letting his mind drift back to all the memories he had in this room. Memories of Fred and George, of Him and Ginny, of himself Ron and Hermione just chilling as friends did, Christmas Mornings, early mornings for school, late nights staying up to finish homework, the first night he slept at Hogwarts.. The memories kept coming.

Hermione cleared her throat in a meaningful way,

"I know this probably isn't the right time to bring this up..." she paused, not knowing who to look at so just focusing on the wall above the fireplace that held a picture of the house crest. "But I feel like I should just tell you guys.. I've been thinking and ..."

"Bloody hell Hermione, just get on with it." Ron said from the sofa where he was lying across it eyes closed.

"I'm going to come back and finish my NEWTS" she said quickly.

"Why Hermione? We've all been offered jobs in the Ministry without them.." Harry asked genuinely interested,

"I just want to make all that work worth it. I've spoken to the professors and i don't have to stay here. I can use the floo network to travel back and forth after lessons. When i was in my third year Dumbledore called me into his office to talk about the time turner and told me i was destined for greatness, and while I don't want to seem big headed, I'd like to finish my exams just to show him that i took on board what he told me." It was now her turn to go bright red as she was worried her friends would not want her to come back here.

"I wish you'd told me.." Ron said grumpily.

As Ron had finished his sentence an owl flew in carrying in its beak a letter. Picking up the letter from where the owl had dropped it, Hermione opened it and read out loud

"I hope you enjoyed your breakfast. The first commemoration starts in 10 minutes and therefore we need your decision as to whether you wish you use to use the time-turner. Please send an owl back to my office.

Professor M."

"I vote yes." Ron said simply.

"I vote no" Ginny said shaking his head.

"I vote no. Today shouldn't be about an overuse of magic." Hermione said, as she now looked to Harry for his opinion.

"I vote no. Sorry Ron" he said, turning around and asking a student if he could borrow his quill.

Harry wrote on a piece of parchment their decision and sent it back to the professor.

"I guess we should get going then.." Hermione stood up and picked her wand up and walking towards the door.

"lets get on with this.." Ron said taking a deep, heavy breath and following his friends. "Bye Fred.." He mumbled turning back to look at the fireplace where Fred and George had often spent all night concocting different pranks.

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A/N: Thanks for reading! i really do appricate it. Dont forget to follow the story so you can see when i next upload. Got any suggestions as to where this could go? let me know by reviewing!


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: I know i seem to have taken a couple of days to write this but im actually ill. Anyway, this chapter this chapter is a bit of an odd one. Not in the plot, just in the substence. It seems to include long bouts of speach and then off explanations. Im sorry about that! Aahaha. Anyway, enjoy!_

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They made the familiar route down to the Great Hall, with the intention of talking to their friends and family as to which services to go to. Their once reminiscent, happy mood had dissolved into a sadness filled silence. Ron found himself having jitters, while Hermione found herself wanting to burst into tears, and Harry felt numb. He was sad, of course he was, but right now he didn't feel any strong emotion. He just wanted today to be over. Ginny felt like she should be with them right now. Although she fought in the battle, she felt like she didn't belong with the three people who had helped to defeat voldemort. She then made a conscious effort to distance herself from them, and instead be there to comfort her family.

As they approached the great hall, Harry saw a big familiar figure. Hagrid, looking almost exactly the same, was stood talking to Molly and Arthur. Harry could help himself, letting his emotions take over, and bolted straight towards him.

"I cant believe i haven't seen you for about a year!" Harry said beaming up at his favourite giant.

"i know 'arry, 'nd im sorry 'bout tha'. Me an' Madame Maxime decided t'find Gwrap a safe place t'stay" He told him. But Harry recognized that Hagrid was purposely avoiding the main reason that he hadn't seen Harry.

After a month after the battle, Harry had found himself slipping into a depression. All his friends had tried desperately, constantly coming round to his house, or inviting him out to other events. It was during this month that he and Hermione had had an extremely loud argument, which resulted in them not talking for a month. She'd come over after just getting back from Australia (in an attempt to find her parents, which she didnt succeed) and just wanted to talk. Firstly Harry had been cautious about letting her in, but it was when she entered that she saw why he didnt want her to come in. The living room & kitchen was covered in dirty plates, dirty laundrary, and lots of old Wizarding papers and magazines.

"Harry, you have to clean this stuff up. A simple spell will do it!" She told him, her eyes looking directly on the sofa which had a duvet on it. "Am i right in assuming that your sleeping down here too?" as she reached for her wand, he put his hand on it and pushed it away.

"Dont." He grunted as he sat on the sofa and crossed his arms.

"i dont understand, dont what?" she asked dumfounded for the first time in her life

"Dont clean this mess up. Its not your place." He was staring straight past her as if she wasnt there.

"Why are you being like this? Have i offended you?" she asked him, scanning her brains for the last thing they'd talked about before her trip.

"No no Hermione, dont worry about me, you just go swanning off to Australia, dont worry about me. I'll cope." He told her sarcastically.

"Are you under some kind of spell?" Hermione could feel her temper rising every time he said something. He shook his head in response, "If only.." He mumbled.

" And What do you mean Go swanning off with to Australia?! I was looking for my parents! You know the ones i separated myself with so I could help YOU!" she shouted at him.

"To help ME?! Hermione what _world_ are you in?! This was never just about me. It was about the whole wizarding world, i just got tied into it because i happened to be born on a certain day." Harry paused, crossing his arms "at least you have parents to find. The only place I can find mine are in the cemetery thats quite close to here. Or so I've heard."

she was more hurt than angry "Are you really going to throw that one in my face?! After all we've been through your really going to throw the fact that i have parents in my face? Im not going to apologize that i have parents Harry, if that's what you're asking. Ron said you were bad, but I hadn't believed you were this bad!"

"Well why dont you go back to Ron and your perfect life and stop hassling me? Oh wait no, dont tell me, your having a rough patch and your real intention of coming round was to rant about it? Not today Honey, sorry, no room at the inn. No wait, scrap that, its just that i dont care."

The argument had escalated, and things were said that neither of them meant. It lasted 2 hours and had only ended when Harry told Hermione that he hated her and She'd gone running off in tears. Harry ignored owl after owl from Hermione, who was trying to sort things out, and according to Ginny, who was the only one allowed in his house but for short periods of time, things were getting worse. He turned into someone who was heartless and calous and nobody could work out why. It reminded Ron of when they were wearing the Horcrux, which helped him come up with a theory as to why Harry was so depressed- his whole wizarding life had had the aim to kill Voldemort. Now he was gone Harry didnt know what to do. He was lonely, and scared, and needed his friends more than ever. Or so Ron thought. It took one stern visit from Mrs Weasley (who had been avoiding dealing with him as she thought it would be more impactful if one of his friends that helped him through this depression) and a trip to St. Mungo's that got him out of the depression.

" 'arry? 'arry?" Hagrid said knocking harry out of his revere.

"Sorry, how is Gwarp?"

"Well 'er, we couldn' find a place safe enuff, so 'es back 'ere"

"Oh right. I guess Ron, Hermione and I will stop by and say hello later." Harry felt guilty for lying to one of his closest friends, but he knew better than to think that Ron would go anywhere near Gwarp again.

Harry then turned to Mr Weasley and asked which commemorations they would be attending. Apparently none of their friends were sure which to go to, as they wanted to stay together but knew that some of the order should be at them.

"Right, everyone say which two they'd prefer to go then we can work it out.." Percy said, needing everything to be structured.

Harry decided that he wanted to go to the service for the students at Hogwarts, and the service for members of the Order. It seemed obvious that he wouldn't go to the service for the parents of loved ones who had died, but his name was on the list never-the-less. Hermione and Ron agreed, knowing that they truely belonged at the students service.

They had about 15 minutes until the service for the students decided, so Harry used the time to catch up with the other members of the order whom he hadn't seen in a while.

"Urm, mum, wheres George?" Ron asked, scanning the top of the halls.

"Im not sure sweetheart, i think he went to get some air," Mrs Weasley replied, breathing deeply to stop her fresh tears from pouring down her face.

Ron excused his self from his friends and family, telling them that he knew he should go and see George before the service started. As he walked out people called out to him, asking him to join them, but he shook his head and blushed. Still, a year on, he wasn't used to this attention.

He walked out through the giant doors that house Hogwarts and scanned it for his brother. He saw a figure walking aimlessly towards the one forbidden forest, and thinking it was his brother ran towards it.

Coming up behind the figure, he put his hand out on his shoulder to turn him around, "Fred?" he asked.

As soon as the name came out of his mouth he knew what he'd done, and turned and bolted in a random direction before George had a second to respond. The hurt on George's face was enough. The expression was burned into Ron's head as he ran, thinking that if he ran for long enough he could forget it. Waves and waves of nausea came, but Ron ran through them, not looking for any specific direction.

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A/N: I just realised that i used the phrase "swanning off." I just sent this chapter to her and the first thing she asked is "what the hell does swanning off mean?" I thought everyone used it, but clearly not. It just means.. going away with nothing to do. (that sounded so patronising! i didnt mean it to be. Sorry!) Its hard to explain. Ok so heres an example: I just got home from town and didnt feed my cat, so my mum shouted at me and told me that while i'd been swanning off she fed him. I could have possibly made everyone more confused. wops. Aahaha. google might define it easier. Anywhosals, Ihope you enjoyed this chapter. thank you for reading :)


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Long time no see 'eh?! yeah sorry about that. I actually wrote this last week, but then i had an interview for a job and i got it, so i havent had a free second to myself. But here it is, at long last. For some reason this fanfiction seems to be leaning towards its plot just being about Ron. Im not sure how i feel about it, so we'll see. Recently i've had a couple of reviews and thank you so much! i just wanted to say that i've read and taken on board all of them. Thank you for taking the time to write them! Anyways, enjoy!_

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His legs burned, tears were streaming down his face, he thought he was going to throw up and he was having trouble breathing. But Ron couldn't stop running. Eventually he had to stop, his body quite simply refused to move anymore. He turned around, trying to work out where he was, but all he saw were fields. He slumped down on the grass and breathed deeply. He couldn't believe what he'd done. He'd reminded his brother that his twin was no longer there, but more deeply than that, for a split second he forgot Fred was dead. In fact, he forgot as he was running down the hill to his brother. He genuinely thought that Fred was alive and was just late for a class, as he had so many times during their life at Hogwarts.

Ron couldn't bear to think what George was thinking, "He's going to HATE ME!" he shouted aloud, even though there was no one in sight.

"I need to punch something.." He thought as he looked around for something that would take the force of his hit. There was nothing there, so Ron decided to think of a spell in which he could condre something. Failing to remember anything, Ron decided to use the muggle way and stood up to walk up to a tree. He raised his fist, and braised himself for the pain was about to follow. He punched the trunk hard, and when then again and again, until he was in pure agony. "Fred is dead!" he shouted as his fist made contact with the trunk of the tree and again. After his knuckles had started bleeding he slumped down against the tree and wept.

"WHY HIM?!" He shouted, "Why couldn't it be me? I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU I HATE YOU." Ron wasnt sure who he hated, but he hated someone for sure.

George was walking slowly up to the castle, trying to compartmentalise what had just happened. Ron had called him Fred, but then had run off as if it was the worst thing in the world. George didn't mind, in fact, he was used to it, and it was kind of comforting to know that there was always some connection with Fred within him. Yes, at first when Ron had called him Fred he'd been a little shocked, especially when he remembered that nobody would be called George by mistake, but it wasn't anything catastrophic. It was just unfortunate.

As he made his way into the great hall, he decided to ask Hermione is she knew where Ron had gone, as it seemed like she knew him better than anyone. She was talking to Harry, but when she saw the confused and slightly pained look on George's approaching face she stopped suddenly,

"Hermione, I need your help." George told her, which received an even more alarming look. "i was down towards the edge of the forbidden forest, and Ron came up behind me, and called me Fred. I wasn't angry, I was shocked, and then he just bolted." George paused for a breath "i watched him run, thinking he'd slow down when he got tired but he didn't. He ran out of sight, and I don't know where he is." George pulled a hand through his hair in a distressed sort of way.

Both Harry and Hermione looked worried. Ron usually had outbursts which had started after the battle, but he had never run away. Normally he'd just shout, or just go and kick a wall. But this time he'd gone, and they weren't sure if he'd be back.

"D'you think i should have run after him?" George asked, unsure as to handle his brothers outburst.

Harry shrugged, and Hermione shook her head, "There's no telling with him. But what's important is that he's back for the first commemoration. Has anyone got a map?" she asked looking around at the people surrounding her. Much to her annoyance, everyone shook their heads. "Don't tell Mrs Weasley about this. I'm going to the library to find a map, and then i need one of you to find an item relating to Ron, it can be anything" she rushed to tell them in a hushed tone.

Hermione said loudly that she was going to the toilet and then jogged out of the great hall and made her way to the library, where she automatically knew where to find a map. She grabbed a piece of parchment and wrote "map borrowed by Hermione Granger. Will be back at the end of the day" and left it on a desk.

Shoving the map into the inside pocket of her robes she walked back down the great hall, to find Harry and George standing out of the front.

George was carrying a jumper with a knitted R on it and Hermione automatically knew it was one of the Weasley's Christmas jumpers, "Mum brought it with her incase he got cold. I told her I'd forgotten mine and needed to borrow his." George said by way of an explanation. Hermione nodded at them to follow her and she walked out of the castle and onto a patch of grass. There she laid the map out on the grass and took the jumper from George. She pointed her wand at the jumper, muttered something neither Harry or George could decipher and then pointed her wand at the map. Suddenly there was something moving on the map, and when they looked closer they saw the name "Ron" scribbled next to a pair of moving foot prints.

"Im going to apparate there" She told the boys, who both nodded in agreement "im coming too" Harry said standing up and holding out his hand to Hermione so they could disapparate together "Hes my brother, I need to talk to him. Im coming." George said taking Harry's free hand and reaching out to Hermione who took both of their hands.

Suddenly they were dropped abruptly onto the grass. Hermione caught the attention of both of the boys and before they could start complaining about how painful that was, she put a finger to her lips in a way of telling them to shut up. When they looked at her confusedly she pointed to further on in the field, where Ron was lying on his back gazing up into the sky, apparently completely oblivious to them being there as he was talking aloud.

They all stood up, and just stood watching him, trying to hear what he was saying,

"Its just that I don't know where to go from here. I miss Fred, but i know its nothing compared to the pain George and Mum are feeling, and I feel guilty that he died and I survived. I just wish i could have protected him." It looked as if Ron was talking to someone who was looking down on him,

When George heard that, he bolted to Ron before Hermione had chance to grab him.

"Stand up!" George shouted at Ron, startling him completely that he actually jumped up. Ron complied, not wanting to look his brother in the eyes.

"Your a complete idiot do you know that" George said in a firm but not harsh tone, "Your guilty that you survived? You selfish pig. You think that Fred would want that?" George carried on not letting Ron answer "No, he wouldn't. He'd want you to live your life to the fullest. You can't just go running off when the going gets tough. You man up and you deal with it Ron. You ran away when the going got tough last year, and I'm not letting you to do it again."

"Dont." Ron said, looking past his brother at a blade of grass.

"Dont what? Bring up last year? Ron when will you see it? Nobody is angry at you, we would have all done the same. The whole reason I'm stood here shouting at you is because i love you, you complete burk!" George shouted, pulling his brother roughly into a hug.

Harry and Hermione had been watching this exchange, and it wasn't until they saw the physical shaking that they realised both brothers were sobbing. They both decided to pretend they weren't watching, and 5 minutes later they turned back around to see both brothers stood watching Harry and Hermione.

When Hermione walked over the first thing she noticed was Ron's bloody, dirty hand.

"Ron! What did you do?" she asked concernedly.

"I urm... i needed to get my anger out" he told her, nodding guility towards a tree that had a conciderable sized dent in it.

Hermione pulled out her wand, pointed it at Ron's bloody knuckles and said "Episkey." The cuts on Ron's hands started to fade, and he flexed his hand twice to make sure it didn't hurt anymore.

"Ron, can we talk?" Hermione asked tucking her wand into her robe pocket. She looked pointedly at George and Harry, who wondered off in a different direction.

"George told me what happened" she started slowly. The pain on Ron's face was blatant, and Hermione instantly felt guilty for bringing it up. "But why didn't you tell me that you felt guilty about his death?"

Ron wasnt sure whether to be angry or upset, but either way he knew he wasn't happy, "Because its not something i want to shout from the roof tops Hermione" he told her, trying to keep his calm.

"I could have helped..." she trailed off, her voice getting quieter.

Ron slapped his hand against his head in a sign of frustration "how could you help? You couldn't bring him back. I just have to deal with it."

"Ron, we're in a relationship, we're supposed to talk through our worries. I could have been there for you, a support for when you needed it. So you didn't have to keep everything bottled up." She stepped towards him, but he stepped backwards,

"Today isn't about us." He told her, and without looking at her in the eye he wondered off to where Harry and George were.

Harry slapped his friend affectionately on the back, knowing that if Ron wanted to, he'd talk about it in his own time.

"Right, let's go, shall we?" Hermione said, walking towards her group of friends. She put her hand out for Ron to take as Harry took her other. Ron took it without looking at her in the eye, instead looking straight at the grass in front of him.

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A/N: Thanks for reading!


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